Going it Alone

Children can arrive at any stage during a relationship. With the odd exception, most adults do not choose to become single parents; many start their relationships with a healthy future in mind and support from both sides of the family. For some people, children represent the beginning of the end, for others they are the beginning of a whole new world of responsibility.

As a single parent the job of day-to-day care can be immense, almost overwhelming if not managed properly. It is down to you as the parent to take care of everything. You are the chief cook and bottle washer, mother, father, education expert and financial controller to name just a few roles. Add to this the role of entertainment specialist during the summer months and you have a perfect recipe for stress.

Coping with multiple children has its fair share of problems, particularly if the children are different ages groups, for example teens and under fives, as each group requires a different level of understanding and parenting skills. However, looking after a single child can be equally demanding. Not only do you need to occupy the child’s time but also you are asked to provide stimulating and exciting experiences to keep their imagination and concentration levels at maximum. Quite often a single parent will find himself or herself playing the role of both parent and friend.

Around half of all lone fathers in London are in full time employment or self-employment; lone mothers from all ethnic groups who are economically active, mostly work full time or are self-employed (source: without prejudice). Still many lone parents find themselves in a poverty trap and end up working overtime, weekends or late hours. This inevitably eats away at what little time there is for family pursuits. Lone parents often experience feelings of guilt at not seeing enough of the child(ren) and find they have no time for themselves.

Doing it alone is by no means easy. Constant tiredness and extreme irritability levels are commonplace amongst lone parents. With no one to talk to at the end of each day, problems often get pushed aside and embedded into the depths of the mind. Asking for help is not a sign of failure; it is a natural reaction to the situation. More often than not many lone parents tend to leave it too late before they reach out and the damage to the family has already been done.

There are many self-help groups and counsellors available especially for lone parents and a wealth of information on support and finance issues.

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